I’m better now, and I want to do everything. But sometimes I’m so desperate to do absolutely everything I desire that I end up lacking the energy to do anything at all. And then I feel crummy about spending the evening laying in bed watching Netflix just like when I was sick (even though it’s for entirely different reasons and has absolutely nothing to do with being sick). Arg.
Read MoreAnyone who’s battled chronic pain or invisible illnesses knows the chorus too well: “But you don’t look sick!,” or “But you look so healthy!” The way people look and the way people feel can be vastly different. And none of us should ever feel that it’s appropriate for us to comment upon, criticize, and judge the conduct of others based on outward appearances.
Read MoreIn the spirit of Thanksgiving today, I'm sharing my gratitude journey.... My yoga mat reminds me that I’m safe here, and that I’ve done this many times before. My mat has become a symbol of my strength and my ability to feel good. As I lug it around the city, it tells others “I’m a healthy woman!” But more importantly, it reminds me: “You’re a healthy woman. You did it. You made it. You survived.”
Read MoreI know that the way I’ve changed has been hard for some of my friends. Not everyone who befriended my overachieving, high-charging self in our twenties had bargained for a kale-growing, vaginal-health-preaching, yogi friend in our thirties. I get it. I changed a lot, and so have my friends.
Read More“Being sick is your entire identity right now – by necessity. You go to the doctor, to physical therapy, to Walgreens. You spend your ‘free time’ doing your physical therapy exercises or intentionally trying to relax. The people in your life relate to you as a sick person – the way they interact with you is reflective of their awareness of your disability. When you no longer have that disability, it will change the way people see and treat you. It will change how you spend your time. It’ll change the entire focus of your day and life.”
Read MoreI thought I could “start fresh,” making a clean break with my pain-riddled life and beginning the pain-free chapter. But my reflection since my pain faded away have taught me that there are no clean breaks. Our lives are fluid, and our experiences color us. So today, I’ll admit that my pain changed me. And I’m working to be OK with that.
Read MoreMy months at the dog daycare were some of the most powerful in my recovery. When I started work, I struggled with the basics – keeping a routine, maintaining enough energy to get to work, and learning new tasks. The job was fun and challenging; it was manual labor, and it gave me confidence in my strength – and, importantly, in my ability to integrate my strength into my responsibilities. Previously, I’d kept the two separate: my responsibilities lived in my laptop, which I used from the security of the sofa; meanwhile, my strength lived at the yoga studio, but I didn’t push its limits outside those walls. This job, though, combined the two, and it taught me how to harness my energy and [literally] play well with others again.
Read MoreToday, as I ran from my physical therapist's clinic to my yoga studio, I was reminded of something that I can't afford to moderate: my courage. At one point, as I've shared, going to my PT's clinic ("my PT") for tune-ups was a challenge. I wanted to be "better," and I thought that meant "having no need for any medical intervention." As I've grown these past two years, becoming an athlete, a yogi, a 40-pounds-heavier, living, breathing woman, I've changed my mind. My PT is vital to my enjoyment of life, because she allows me to continue to be courageous. She'll be there if I fall (as she's demonstrated oh-so-many times before).
Read MoreThis treatment, and these PTs, weren't going to be the ones to get me better. This was true despite how badly they wanted to help me and despite how compliant I had been with their treatments. It was true despite how passionately they felt about pelvic floor disorders, how much book knowledge and certificates about my issues they possessed, and how personally involved with my case they felt. These women genuinely, deeply cared for me.
Read MoreMore times than I can count, I’ve been asked: “How long did it take for you to start feeling better?” I met Sandy, my PT, when I was wheelchair-bound and in constant, horrific pain. So, I’m sharing this journal entry, written 15 days after meeting Sandy. And to answer the question: It took less than 15 days.
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”Inspire Santé”, “Hope Dealer,” and “Patients are people.” are all trademarks of ours. They stem from our founder Erin Jackson’s personal retelling and writing of her experience with pelvic pain. Words matter, and these are hers and ours. Don’t steal; it’s bad karma, and we’re trying to do good. If you use them, attribute them.
